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| Dr. M. Douglas Carew |
At 7:55 PM on Friday, November 9, 2012, my world came to a screeching halt with a single phone call. My niece announced very calmly, as my nephew listened on, that my only brother fell asleep and never woke up.
Having to tell my parents and hold Mum in my arms as she let out a gut-wrenching scream was more than I was prepared for, and was the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. We are still grappling with how a healthy man would fall asleep and not wake up!
To say we were heart-broken or devastated is a severe understatement. We have experienced multiple losses in the last few years but this one cut so very deeply. For a while, It was with God's grace that we were able to feel the sun's heat even though we could not fully enjoy the beauty or smell the fragrance of the beautiful roses that were being sent in his honor.
Mo was well accomplished in his personal and professional life, leading his beautiful family as impeccably as he led Africa International University where he served as Vice Chancellor/President. He was the most modest, soft-spoken, selfless, unassuming, and honorable person I know. This man is the closest to a perfect being I have ever known! Those of you closest to me know I always say that my brother is the one person I would fully vouch for with my life. He epitomized the ideals of the men my sisters and I prayed that God would bless us with.
Mom and Dad are dealing with it all breath by breath, as we all are. The triple portion of prayers especially for my mom and my sister-in-law are helping bit by bit. The many well wishes expressed through many media including our memorial site www.douglascarew.com, have been remarkably helpful. My only wish, other than being told that the nightmare was a mistake, has been to be able to offer some meaningful consolation to my mom. I am still working on it.
One evening last December, I was awakened by my ringing cell phone in the midst of a beautiful dream about my brother; the only dream I have had of him since he left us. This dream was light but it didn't follow any particular storyline. What was clear, however, is that Mo's spirit was very much alive in that dream. On the eve of the 40th day following his death, I was heartened by that because it was almost as if he reassuring me that all is well.
Two months after we lost Mo, the dry bones in our valley are being revived. I still wake up to a beautiful picture of my brother, carefully poised atop the jewelery ammoire in my bedroom. These days, however. I greet that image with a smile and a grateful heart that recognizes the gift I never fully grasped. This image is now part of my new "normal".
On the 40th day after Mo's death, we shed the grey clothing that represented the outward display of our 40-day period of mourning. The amazing show of love and support from friends and family worldwide continues to sustain us. When we didn't have the strength to stand on our own, they held us up. When our tears flowed non-stop, they dried them. When our bodies quivered with the pain of our loss, they embraced us. Even when we couldn't eat, they still made sure we had food available.
Even today, we carry each of these people in our hearts and will always remember that they proved to be a friend in our time of need. As we move forward to month two, Years 1, 5, 10 and beyond, we are still learning how to navigate between a healthy form of mourning, remembrance and celebration, and pick ourselves up to live a full life, sans one of the integral members of our family. We may flow clumsily between heartfelt laughter and unstoppable tears, but we will press on. Our smiles are becoming less fleeting, much warmer. Our voices are getting less shaky, a little stronger. The sun appears a bit brighter everyday and we are starting to feel Mo's warmth and see his smile in the beautiful rays. It is a work in progress so please bear with us.
God has carefully planted so many messages in lots of places for me. I would like to share with you, two of these messages that were sprinkled all over the place for me, just before our first Christmas without Mo. First, is a timely word of inspiration shared by Iyanla Vanzant: "Life continues after death as long as you remember the warmth of another's smile, the gentleness of their touch, the meaning they brought to your life. In your remembrance of another, death cannot overtake life." This was a powerful message that I absolutely needed at the exact moment I received it. Mo is so alive in my thoughts; in my mind's eye; in our many pictures of him; in the videos of him; in the warm messages we continue to receive; in my beautiful niece and two amazing nephews who mirror their dad in words and deeds.
I want to share Mo's very favorite piece, the Hallelujah Chorus. This is the second of the messages I'd like to share. I saw this video as I sat quietly thinking of Mo one evening. As I watched it, all I could think of was his soft, appreciative smile and just imagined him watching this video. This anthem was one of the final pieces played in celebration of his life at one of his memorial services. Please take a moment to watch it and feel the warmth of Mo's smile. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXh7JR9oKVE&feature=share
Two months into our new reality, I thank those who stood with us most sincerely, for helping us to make each day a little easier to reach deep within, and breathe.
~~Vic~~
Moira, oh how sad!!! I am so late to extend my sympathies because I had not heard of Douglas' passing. He was such a kind man, and I personally got to know him when I worked at Scripture Union. May his soul rest in perfect and divine peace!
ReplyDeleteI pray that God will continue to console your family, especially your Mom and Dad during this time of loss. Remember the memories he has left you, the ministries God used him to enhance, the lives he has touched. He was truly a vessel accomplishing God's purpose for his time on earth. He has earned his crown; his name is written in the Lamb's book of life and he would walk the streets of gold for eternity.
Take heart my sister! God has you in the palms of his hands. He knows your needs before you even have them. Take heart and trust in him.
RIP, Dr. Carew.
ReplyDelete....and Vic, this is it! Life goes on. With all the curve balls that are sent our way through out our life's journey, our steps, speed, strength, outlook, etc. are tainted by our reactions to these curve balls, and how well we handle them. Remember the good times, think of the bad (you cannot help that) BUT don't dwell on them. Be happy. Mo is gone, but he lives on in your neice and nephews, and in your memories.