Living with Clear Intention

“What is the quality of your intent?”  ~~ Thurgood Marshall

I remember sitting at the counter of the Information Center at Temple University when I first heard the quote by US Supreme Court Justice, Thurgood Marshall. “What is the quality of your intent?”  WHOA! That was one of the many thought-provoking moments I experienced in that building on Cecil B. Moore Avenue and Broad Street. 

Back then, I was a work-study student who was learning how to use Word Perfect to type my assignments and belt out my poems, short stories and unending letters to the friends I left back home. For those of you who don’t know, Word Perfect was the Microsoft Word of my college years, minus a toolbar that now provides a shortcut to perform the formatting you need.  How things have changed!

“The quality of your intent!” This is still one of my favorites and the one that reminds me to live my life with clear intention.  It sounds a lot like my mom telling me “whenever you say or do something, even if no one is around, act like the whole world is watching you do it with your head held high."  That quote has stuck with me over the years.  It resonates with the message of integrity and my favorite of Don Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements, “Be impeccable with your word.”

I don’t make many decisions lightly, especially when they impact my Lil African.  Everything does!   So when I make a decision, I try to think of how it would impact me and the people involved.  Hard as it may be sometimes, I have to face up to the real intent behind my intent.   What’s my motivation? What’s the real reason why?  What’s the reason behind my decision, the quality of the intent?

My life has been pretty busy over the years taking care of my baby and my home; being committed to my family;  handling the responsibilities of a demanding career; active involvement in my sorority and my community; and now, being committed to the man in my life.  

Last November, I was speaking with the person who has been my sounding board.  He was my rock at my weakest moment and had come down to love on me and hold me up when I wasn’t able to stand on my own.  For over a week, he watched everyone who came around and joined him in taking care of my family as we mourned.  So, after all of the services were over and I told him that I was making some changes in who and what I focused my time and energies on, he was already steps ahead of me.

You see, I had always believed that the people and things that you spend the bulk of your time on are the ones that will likely sustain you in your hour of need.  My brother’s death proved me wrong. 

I had run myself ragged - intentionally - helping this person, volunteering for that thing, serving on this or that committee, advising for this or that group, and oh, leaving just enough to feed the needs of my loved ones.   What was the quality of my intent in doing all of these things?  Satisfy my passion to serve; to help others.  I wanted to pay forward the assistance I had been afforded.  I wanted to be a good friend, to invest in relationships that inspire and motivate me. The quality of my intent was to enhance and enrich the life of my baby girl, my family, my love, and my friends; make the heart of my loved ones smile in the manner in which they make my heart sing.  My intent was to be a willing participant who works to secure the legacy of institutions that have aided my growth; to be a servant-leader.  I ran myself ragged to serve others as payment for my rent for living.

I made a decision to reduce some of my commitments recently, when it became apparent that my involvement with the people and things related to those commitments was in contrast with my intent to be faithful to those I love.  The quality of my intent to serve others had inadvertently put my loved ones at a disadvantage for my time.  The reason why T was steps ahead of me in my declaration to make some changes is because he noticed the same things I did.  The people and things that had taken the bulk of my time; the faces that went with the names he had heard the most; the people he had watched me run to in their time of need, were conspicuously absent amidst the family and friends who were present in mine.  He, too, wondered!

Now what?  Well, I have had a mirror-revealing examination of myself and realized that the quality of my intent has been to give genuinely without much expectation for personal gain.  Personal gain included benefits to my loved ones.

Moving forward, I am approaching life with a focus on myself.  The quality of my intent now is to make sure I limit the circle of my personal investments and focus on the people and things that would not only benefit from my passion to give and serve, but that will also fulfill my personal desire to live a full life with the ones I love.  I will no longer leave my baby with alternate activities while I train and serve others whose agenda do not include her.  My family will not have to compete for my presence because someone else needs me.  The man who stands by my side will not have to revive me with a trip to the spa because he was concerned that I spent long nights to fulfill my commitment to serve.  Most importantly, I will not send a subliminal message to my precious Lil African that this is the way things are supposed to be.

I am very clear on what my AHA experience produced.  This shift will not interfere with me being the caring, giving person I am, because it is in my nature.  The difference, however, is that the gifts of my time and my heart will now flow in a different direction.  It is important for me to be impeccable with my word to myself and others, and I expect the same in return.  For each meeting or event I attend; each commitment I make; for each phone call, text message, inbox message I send or respond to, I have to be sure it will best serve those on the other end in a way that will enrich my life and the lives of those closest to my heart. 

I embrace the charge to live my life with careful thought to the quality of my intent.  Mom’s wise words will continue to guide my steps so that with everything I say or do, even if no one is around, I’ll act as though the whole world is watching me do it with my head held high.

Lesson learned!

~~Vic~~