A mighty Iroko Tree has fallen! I cannot adequately translate into words the devastation my family feels at the moment. May 29, 2013, brought with it an unbelievable test for us as our Dad, a devoted husband to our Mum for 60 years, died peacefully in his sleep with none of us around. The irony of this occurrence is not lost on us. Our only brother who was also named Moses Douglas Carew, passed away 6 months ago, on November 9, 2012. As was the case with Dad, Mo died peacefully in his sleep, with none of us around.
Dad never recovered from the heartbreak of losing his only son so suddenly. Our adopted sister who was with Dad, told us that last week, Dad clutched Mo's picture and carried it around with him just as they noticed that his feet were swollen. He had been telling us that he was ready to go see his son and had repeatedly said that his time was close. When he went even further to say that 2013 would not leave him on earth, I told him something I'd come to say to him often: "Satan doesn't want you and God is not ready for you." Each time I said that, I was well aware that I was working hard to convince myself more than I was Dad.
In the midst of our pain, we are so thankful for God's amazing grace. Yes, I have asked why, searching for some clue as to what God's sense of humor is with our family. However, I trust that He will be generous enough to bless us in an immeasurable way that will make our pain pale in comparison.
In November, as I looked at the invoice to prepare and transport my brother, I told Mr. Levett, the proprietor at the funeral home, that a poor person cannot afford to die. Who would have thought that our family, with such deeply intertwined international roots, would be reminded of this again in just six months. For as far back as I can remember, Dad woke us all up for family devotion at 6:00 am every Sunday morning, to our chagrin, and taught us the importance of faith. So, my family is praying for our needs to be met as we make plant the physical remains of this Iroko Tree in the earth from whence it came. We are making plans to travel home next week, trusting that everything will fall in place and we will be able to make it safely to give Dad the honor he richly deserves on June 12th.
For quite a while, we had been adamantly resistant of Dad's wish to go home. He had told us repeatedly that he did not want to die in a foreign land and wanted to go home. This desire strengthened with each loss he suffered over the last three years, as he lost just about all of his siblings and then his only son. It really intensified in the last year. We tried every gimmick imaginable to delay him having his wish and finally, we reluctantly gave in. Dad got home to Sierra Leone just 6 weeks ago. He couldn't have been happier to march into Holy Trinity Church for Sunday services and go to family functions and even funerals. He was finally home, the place where his heart truly rests!
In closing, I would like to share with you two amazing final gifts from Dad. All of us knew and never really opposed Dad's desire to be buried at Race Course Cemetery, as was customary with the Carew family. He'd said that he did not want to die in a foreign land and did not want to be transported home as cargo in a box. While we fought so hard to resist his wish to return home, even convincing ourselves that he was being selfish and unreasonable, Dad was handing us a gift that was cloaked in his simple wish. He knew the exorbitant expenses we incurred to transport my brother and all of the hurdles we had to jump through to obtain clearances and make final decisions. He was clear that he did not want to have us endure that a second time. Yet, we were too caught up in our selfish desires to have him here with us. In realizing his wish, Dad saved us hours of grueling international conference calls, painstaking discussions to make decisions on the who, what, how, when and where; dissecting bank accounts in the absence of insurance coverage for a non US citizen, to cover what would have been another preparation and transportation tag in excess of $20,000; and of course, the painful experience of having our Dad preserved, weighed, tagged, boxed and transported along with other common cargo in the belly of a plane. His wish was actually a gift to us. What a final memory to have of Dad, knowing he was expressing his love for us even in the face of resistance.
Secondly, Dad reiterated a lesson some of us inadvertently ignore: Listen to your intuition and never let anyone deter you from pursuing your goal, not even your loved ones. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again." You see, it is clear to me now that Dad knew deep inside, that his purpose on earth has been fulfilled and he was holding on till he got home and put his "affairs in order". For the first time, he completed and shared his will with all of us in April. He knew that his turn was pretty close to the front of the line. His intuition, sixth sense, that nagging feeling, the voice in his head or whatever we want to call it, was compelling him to hold fast to his desire to get home right away. Even in the ninth hour, when we tried to get him to go to The Gambia for "JUST" three months, he refused and said he needed to be home within the next two months. He said he had to present a case in court and when we checked on it, no evidence of a court date existed. Dad insisted he had to go to court within two months. He agreed to stay in Kenya so that he and Mum could celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary on April 8th, on the condition that he take the next flight to Sierra Leone. On April 14th, he went home and climbed the long stairs to the house his hands built. He was able to tend to his affairs and on Sunday, told Mum that all of his papers where in the briefcase he always kept close. On Monday, Dad's feet had swollen up some more and his attempts to speak were only mumbles. He was rushed to the hospital. On Tuesday, he spoke in whispers and ate a bit. At 1:15 PM Eastern Standard time on Wednesday, just six weeks after he made it home, Dad closed his eyes and slept through his final breath. He made it in time for his ultimate court date that our physical eyes did not see. My tears are not just an outward expression of the pain in my heart, they are tears of gratitude and a purging of my emotions. My Dad was not a perfect man. but he was the perfect Dad that God selected just for me. Whether he knew it or not, my memory of his final acts is a memory of a man who honorably looked out for his family even in his final days. I am consoled by that.
To all of you, thank you for your support of my family, especially for Mum. She is an amazing woman and such a pillar of strength! She served my Dad all his days. Mum reflects the example of the ultimate wife and mother described in Proverbs 31 as Dad, her husband, praised her, saying: “Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all.” However, we all know that even the toughest pillars can be swayed by forceful winds so please keep Mum lifted.
We welcome all of your prayers and your support through this storm. There has to be a rainbow perched in the sky for us and we will welcome the calm it holds for our family.
~~Vic~~
